How am I doing?

I have cancer. Not your ordinary everyday prostate cancer....no...no...no. ... not for me. Being the over achiever that I am, I have the super aggressive ...this one will kill you variety. PSA 14.4 Gleason Score in 7. 8. or 10 depending on which of the seven pathologists that have looked at it you want to go with. The latest ones are probably the most "respected" and they say I'm sorta screwed.

I am often asked lately....How am I doing?

I’m doing pretty well.

I’ve started on the anti hormones, removing all my testosterone, so I’m much more fatigued and am taking lots of naps. I'm having to work out an hour a day so I don’t lose too much bone. Can’t gain any muscle tone because no hormones. The hot flashes that accompany this should start next week. Please…no Men-o-pause jokes, thank you.

One of the issues with this is how do you fix it for the best result long term. I was going to do surgery. Then switched to radiation and have had the beacons implanted as guides for the machine to do its work.

Now I’m finding more material saying that surgery may be the better way long term. Radiation starts June 13, so who knows I may switch options before then. I’m still doing my homework.

Chemotherapy has been suggested as a supplement to everything else, but I am undecided on that.

I went yesterday to my first visit since my diagnosis to a psychologist. I know him since we worked together to do seminars at the Relationship Centers years ago. He was helpful and I expect will be a good fit. He helped me put in words the feelings that go through you.

It’s like being in a plane that is going to go down in a crash. Everything is in slow motion and you know that something bad is going to happen…really bad……. but you just don’t know just how bad. There is an ominous, frightening feeling of helplessness and some hopelessness too. You want to do something but your options don’t seem good….so there is tremendous anxiety and FEAR.

I’m a survivor. I have faith. I have lots of people praying for me. I have friends and a good support system. I have had, and will have a good life….a satisfying and interesting life. Though the quality of my life will suffer due to my health, I have a lot left to offer and a lot left to experience.

Sometimes shit happens. This time it happened to me. I could rail against fate, the Gods, myself, or whatever but it would serve no purpose other than self pity.

I’m doing pretty well. So far.